SYNTHETIC MEDIC MEDICAL CENTER
INTERNAL ACCESS PORTAL
Healthcare Satire With A Pulse™
SYSTEM STATUS
STABLE(ISH)
Operational with minor emotional casualties.
CURRENT CENSUS
63 PATIENTS
Facility currently operating above safe capacity.
STAFF MORALE
CRITICALLY LOW
Administration continues monitoring the situation from home.
DEPARTMENT DIRECTORY
Select a division to continue.

Clinical Outcome Reviews

Documented Listener Outcomes and Reported Side Effects

Buster H.
"After working 22 consecutive hours without food or emotional stability, administration personally thanked us with a lukewarm pizza. I cried during the appreciation huddle."

Buster H.

Paramedic, Medic 10 survivor

Jenny C.
"Arrived to the ER with chest pain. Before I was allowed to be seen, I was asked if I’d be willing to answer a quick patient satisfaction survey. Nobody has ever made me feel more valued as a metric."

Jenny C.

Current Hallway Bed Occupier

Ben D.
"SMMC gave me the opportunity to grow professionally by assigning me responsibilities from four separate departments after three people quit. The emotional damage has been immeasurable, but the experience was invaluable."

Ben D.

Acting Assistant Interim Charge Coordinator